Ann Powers: Daughtry, "Leave This Town"

To fully comprehend Los Angeles Times music critic Ann Powers, it is important to know the following:

1. She was born on February 4th, making her an Aquarius (and traditionally ruled by the planet Saturn)
   
2. She co-wrote a book, Piece by Piece, with professional musician (and amateur lunatic) Tori Amos [Little known fact: the face of any natal male who has the misfortune of reading this tome will melt off his skull just like in Raiders of the Lost Ark]
   
3. See number one

Ms. Powers, of course, does not readily offer up information regarding her astrological persuasion*. This poses little problem to me, as a professional writer, for I am fully capable of using a variety of tools to obtain the information required to read anything dedicated to paper, but the everyday reader is not as blessed as I am. Especially readers of the Los Angeles Times. In particular, those reading a review of Chris Daughtry's new album.

If I can speak as a human being, and not as a critic [intelligent readers likely have already surmised that critics are not human beings. This is correct.], I want to empathize with Ann Powers. I wanna get real for a second here. I can understand why she would be reluctant to admit her Aquarian affiliation. After all, we're talking about an entire cross-section of the solar population self-described as egoistic and stubborn (and very jealous of all Scorpios(?). Scorpians? Scorpacians?)

What's even worse is the traits that Aquarians won't cop to. An Aquarian will never admit that he or she has a rebellious streak. Why, you may ask (and if you didn't ask, I'll pause here for a moment and allow you to do so. . . . . . . . seriously, I highly suggest you ask why. . . . . . . ). A rebel will never admit to being a rebel because by the very act of admission, he or she is conforming to truth. And, as we all know, truth is not a rebel's real dad and, therefore, cannot tell a rebel what to do.

Powers' rebel stripes could be used to her advantage as a writer, but so deep is her shame that she has yet to fully embrace her recalcitrance. Just imagine how much more weight her words would carry if she refused to use any kind of comprehensible written language. Or if she chose not to use any words at all! Picture a review composed entirely of punctuation. What a wondrous vision!

Until this hypothetical utopia is made true, I have no choice but to award Ann Powers' review of Chris Daughtry's new album, Leave This Town, the Cuban American prelate of the Roman Catholic Church, Manuel Aurelio Cruz.

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*Readers should be aware that Catfish Adams acknowledged his sun sign in his first ever review "I am a Gemini! and I Think This Rock 'n' Roll Thing Might Have Some Staying Power".